The NYT helps grown kids deal with ‘election stress’ – telling readers to ‘breathe like a baby’

It is often said that politics is a blood sport. Sometimes your side wins, sometimes not. But in the big picture, you take a deep breath and on a smaller scale you do what most of us do every day: think about how to get better. But that’s if you’re normal.

But the left are a lot like toddlers. How many times have you seen ashamed parents take a kid who didn’t get his way off the floor of a store after that kid threw himself on it and then had a class A tantrum?

Future leftist in training.

While Election night was not the carnage that Democrats and the Left were expecting, The New York Times knows their audiences and felt they should prepare them for the inevitable stress and the unpleasant idea that they might lose a race or two.

Rather than suggest hiding the sharps, they came up with a handy list of “stress relievers” for getting through those pesky election results where Republicans (or so they thought?) were winning.

One tweet advertised them as “evidence-based strategies.”

Elections and unrest often go hand in hand. Here are some evidence-based strategies that can help you cope. t.co/Bu9Bq5AVqh pic.twitter.com/WkF7ClDpyA

— The New York Times (@TBEN) Nov 8, 2022

RELATED: Report: ‘Knives are Out’ for Kevin McCarthy After GOP’s Mediocre Interim Performance

“Keep calm and chives on”

So what are these fantastic de-stressing strategies? The first sounds like something you could do if you are a “pregnant person” about to give birth.

The instructions are: Trace the outside of your hand with your index finger. When you go up, inhale, and when you go down, exhale.

The last time I twisted my fingers, I was five and I was making Thanksgiving decorations for my mom at school. The fingers were the turkey’s feathers. This may be where the toddler analogy fits. On the other hand, they can always add a warrior pose or two and then you have yoga!

Number two, cool down. Dip your face in a bowl of ice water for 15 to 30 seconds. Isn’t this what athletes do after the game? While it may be good for the pores, I will get stressed out because I can’t feel my face after 30 seconds. Will it freeze like this?

Number three, move. Even a round the corner can provide some relief to a troubled mind. It seems simple enough, but what if you live in a left-run city with a high crime rate? Perhaps this method shifts your stress from election stress to potential beating and robbery.

NYT suggests “five finger breathing” to cope with election stress. Note: this is *not* related to the “five finger discount” you know t.co/WbB6ZaviUk

— Chuck Ross (@ChuckRossDC) Nov 9, 2022

RELATED: Biden Administration Gives $41 Million to Help Illegal Immigrants Fight Deportation

But wait, there’s more!

Number four, Breathe Like a Baby. Concentrate on expanding your abdomen as you breathe, which can send more oxygen to the brain.

There are the toddlers again. There is a reason That keeps popping up. If only a simple lack of oxygen could explain the left. I tend to think so way more complicated than that.

And finally number five. Limit your scrolling – as in, social media viewing. While good advice, is it even physically possible? We all know that one man. You know, the one who argues with you on social media until the early hours over some little thing. He will pull out charts and graphs and email experts to prove he is not wrong. Leftists in a nutshell.

Lefties can’t scroll anywhere, they feel the need to ‘correct’, so good luck with that. After all, they’re just doing their part to rid the world of “misinformation.” Or is it “disinformation?” Who the hell knows… who can keep up?

Conservatives took it a bit on the chin this election. We were promised “red waves” and “red tsunamis”. Instead we got a red puddle. Should we draw on our fingers and also breathe? No. We will be disappointed, but we will live our lives and fight another day.

I can only speak for myself, but Republicans will probably get through it with a little wine and chocolate.

If you’re experiencing “election stress,” and you’re not a candidate or political adviser, consider coming up with a plan to become a less ridiculous person.

— Rob Leder (@rleder) Nov 8, 2022